Intense

Winston Churchill once said, ” From intense complexities emerge intense simplicities.” The veracity of that is realized when life thrusts you into a quandary. A quandary of sorts. When the mind cannot any longer comprehend one’s situation or how one got there. When all reasoning and implications are either insufficient or turned on their head.

Then the mind stops thinking.

It is only when you face heat that your mind distills. It is only then that you realize how unimportant judgments and classifications can be. That the illusion of control over your life is just that, an illusion.

It is only then that objectivity rises. The acceptance and the realization of what is and not just what one wants it to be.

In that bottom emptiness when you cannot bottom out further, only then can you resolve yourself. Then you are bare. In that difficult moment the elements that made you stand out. Your dependence, your nature. And even though you are an individual, suddenly your individuality is resolved. The smallest of elements that were not even considered to be participants in making you come out. Only then can you see your beliefs.

Every event in your life that presents you with an opportunity to bottom out, the pressure, the risk, the extreme, there is the risk that you will break down or enter a higher orbit. But more importantly that is also the only opportunity when you will have to resort to objectivity. And due to that compulsion objective you do become.

If you enter that higher orbit, from then on the taste of that exaltation pulls you further and further more to enter higher orbits. All your actions, your mind’s decisions drag you, pull you, attract you towards entering that higher orbit.

And if one does it for long enough, it gradually become’s one’s nature. The natural becomes indistinguishable from the forced. The world and even oneself begins to believe that this is me, that I am this.

Such are the heroes of the world, admired for their nature, for their detachment and lack of dependence.

But if you do not enter that higher orbit, you breakdown. All beliefs are discarded even if just temporarily. There is no attraction, no pull, no push, just you and the present. You and the now. Then the mind is jabbering, frantically trying to find a set of beliefs, a source to cling on to but you do not want (even if just for a while) to be pulled back into anything. Because you are tired of believing, tired of judgment, tired of your own attractions.
It is only in that complex descent that you have the chance to redefine your metrics, your beliefs.

And you have to believe in something because existence demands that. Presence of hope is life and its absence is death.

Once again you enter the cycle hoping that you may not break again, hoping that you will enter the higher orbit.

In those moments of redefinition one can be a curious mix of vulnerability and strength. Strength against the old and vulnerable to the new.But it is that vulnerable side which decides your course from then on. What you give into in that vulnerability is what your future will be.

And then someday in the future when you do look back, you are but a product of the metrics and definitions you chose for yourself that day. You may consider yourself to be wrong or you may consider yourself to be right but all you will be is not something right or wrong, but simply a product of your choices, definitions and metrics.